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| Another school year coming to an end. Soon we'll all be working in the "real" world. I wonder what we'll all become. Some I feel will be a great asset to our world community, and I wonder if I will be as well. So many of those dreams I graduated high school with... they're so different from the ones I have now but either way I hope that all my dreams will be realized.
A lot of things haven't changed much though since when I started college... personal life wise. Many things in my life are the same and my friends then are my friends now. The only thing that has changed significantly is the time I can spend with them.
The way I look at the world has changed though. Thanks to some of the most amazing educators and the many people I've been able to meet.
I have tons more questions and not enough answers. Some which I would like the answers to more than others. Life is demanding, but we deal. Life is unexpected but that's why we live. Life is confusing but it's also full of beautiful surprises. Life is also filled with sacrifices and tough decisions and all we can do is hope that we made the right decisions.
So am I making the right choices? Did I do the right thing to say the things I did? Nothing feels the same... but thinking it through not much has changed.
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| ...is what someone told me today.
Share your feelings and there is no regret. The only regret you have from keeping things in is never overcoming the fear and gaining the courage to let down the walls to let someone in.
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| There have always been these great year marks that you looked forward too while growing up. like 10 because it's a double digit. 13 because you were now a teenager and somehow that made you cooler than the kids who were younger. 16 because it's suppose to be oh so sweet. 17 because you can drive. 18 because you can vote and drive without curfew (use to be able to buy cigs and lotto tickets... now that belongs to.... 19 along with access to clubs. 20 because ... well there is now a 2 in the front of everything... and glorious 21 which is suppose to be great because now you can drink legally but by now you don't really have time to go out and have these drinks and you don't have the want to because you're just too tired and all you want to do is sleep.... or that's how I feel at least. It's almost like that 21st birthday bash signifies all end to fun. Well maybe not, but it starts a new type of fun. The type where you just get together with your friends at someone's place and would rather just spend time with one another than get to know the masses who are now very untrustworthy individuals who may be completely unworthy of getting to know you or your friends... (obviously over exaggerating). All of a sudden it seems imminent that ... if you haven't already start to begin a mindset of dating someone seriously. I guess everyone reaches this point on their own time. Too bad that even if this is true there seems to be no time available for dating, friends, school work, and preparation for that super career where you will be doing great things. By now there are probably a list of things you want to complete and there have been more than a few occasions where you have sat down and drawn up a plan for exactly how long it will take for you to achieve all the goals you have set for your single years. So with finishing college, working while finishing your masters and doctorate, dedicating a few years to furthering your position on the ladder of success, and socializing as much as possible... you are suddenly oooh 28. Is this the year mark I have to look forward to next??? 28???
I have recently been curling my hair and trying to look older or more my age I guess. I haven't seen my hair finished straight in a while but I'm home with no one to impress so I wore it straight with no (more minimal than none) make-up and I was mistaken for 17!!!! In the past being mistaken for being younger was a huge dagger to the chest but for some reason this time I was overjoyed. A sure sign of being old must be when you feel happiness at being perceived as younger when in fact your actual age is much older. Why? Only because when you are younger one of your many wishes is to be older. (what a horrible wish!!!)
I look at my sister who is a high school senior right now and I am so~ envious. I had no cares as a senior halfway through the last year of a certain chapter of my life. I was already into many of the schools I wanted to attend, the classes I had weren't strenuous, and my friends and I were having a blast. I'm still friends with most of the people I spent most of my time with. ( in fact I think all of the people I spent my time with  )
Two of them are extremely important to me. One seems to have gotten closer but recently impossibly far. The others I work hard to communicate with and it seems that I don't talk with them very often but when we all come together in the end the friendships have lasted. The greatest feeling is knowing that your new friends bond with the new apparently. I've always been one to keep my group of friends separate seeing as to how there haven't been to many occasions for them to meet and mingle in the past and if so there had been a huge separation.. which I have learned alcohol aids in bridging.
21 seems like a year of mental and emotional pain. 21 seems like the beginning of a lot of blood loss thanks to work/studies, a lot of tears being lost to pointless situations, and a lot of sweat being produced from trying to shed off pounds to look like someone who still cares about their outward appearance.
I wish i was still 17... too bad I want too much from life and therefore have to grow older.
- me
I hope you feel the same. I hope you haven't misunderstood, and I pray that those unspoken words will be welcome words.
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| It's been a while since I've wrote here... but for some reason I want to tonight... (because I'm procrastinating). I started nursing school at the end of August. I really like it. It's hard, but I'm thoroughly enjoying the challenge. Some days I feel tired and don't want to work but that's normal, after all this is school. I was kind of worried for clinical as the time approached 2 weeks ago, but here I am doing really well. I'm more than satisfied doing what I'm doing now. I have ambition again and goals that I want to achieve. After I left business I felt that all my interests were leading me into dead corners where I would just stalemate and do nothing to really make an effort to take steps to self improve and further educate myself. I'm back on track and happy to say so. Things seem to be going well in all aspects of my life right now. Seems as though when I thought this year would be one filled with memories that I would cherish and enjoy more than others I was right. At first it seemed this year would be a complete flop and miserable after the first few beginning months but with time comes healing and overcoming the obstacles always builds character and strength. I feel that I've matured more and am working towards an overall better me . Hopefully this bliss won't burn out anytime soon and will last. God knows I'm trying my best to share my happiness  .
So I have a few things that I need to do more (as usual) but I need to sacrifice more of myself for:
1. study... for real... not cram.
2. sacrifice more of my social life
3. schedule and organize more effectively
4. stop going home because I never get anything done there!!
5. find something to boost my energy (this is probably some sort of exercise... amazing how I still have not done this... not really I never do carry out my plans to exercise.. although I guess yoga counts right?)
... there's probably more... (like cut back on spending money on shoes and clothes... shoes...)
I really need to realize #5 on my list shopping therapy is not really that great for my bank account. - -"
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| I love summer. I love summer rain. I love summer thunderstorms. I love summer beach trips. I LOVE SUMMER!! It's almost here there's this right before summer hummidity that I have to endure but right after it it's summer... and I love summer!!! This summer I want to have a lot of fun and meet lots of new people. I want to make some of the best memmories this summer. I want to be carefree, worryfree, and just enjoy all there is to enjoy. I don't want to cry, and I don't want to see anyone cry... unless it's during a movie or because I'm laughing so hard tears are coming out. So this summer I just have one wish, to enjoy the last summer before I become fully responsible for myself... before 21. What a scary thing time is... when did I get this old. ooooooh well~.. being old isn't that bad I guess... I just wish I could look young forever.  | | |
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